Burt... AKA Kirstie Lois Holmes.
Now, this lady was my best friend. From school. From when we were small.
We did things together. We did things apart. But at the end of the day we would always meet up in the middle and discuss. Mostly through the form of childish humour and distasteful jokes. In fact sometimes we could be downright disgusting with the things we said and often people thought we were a bit nuts. But we didn't care because we made each other laugh and we didn't care what other people thought. My ex boyfriend used to call her my little twin because he said we read each others minds and sounded alike on the phone.
Anyway... Our Burt, as we called her, as silly as she was, was a clever chick. She worked as a legal secretary and was studying for her LPC qualification to become a Conveyancer... Property law and all that... And she was wicked at words. Always getting the big words out. She was a talented singer and dancer and often took part in amateur dramatics. So.Much.Promise.
She'd married a boy in Vegas. She was a bit impulsive like that. They had a beautiful baby girl Brodie Scarlett Mimi Boo. (That's them there on the right of this blog...Bathtime chillin') He turned out to be a bit of an ass so she did what she thought was best for the both of them her and Boo and she left him and went to figure out their life just the two of them. (well...just the two of them and her mom and dad and all their extended fam!)
So that's where we got to. Burt & Boo doing their thang. Everything was progressing nicely.
Then Burt & her new boy went for dinner. On the walk home she had an asthma attack and her heart stopped. And that was that. The end.
I don't know if I will ever forget the call I got that morning. I was having a lie in and the phone kept ringing. I was pissed off. Who was calling so early. Bugger off. Few missed calls. It kept ringing. I answered.
I actually put the phone down and said it wasn't a funny joke. But then they rang back. And the worst news was confirmed.
I'm not one for declaring my feelings and as much as I screamed at the time, when I had calmed down I went into some weird bubble. Its hard to explain. I didn't want to talk to ANYONE. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to go anywhere. I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want anyone to see me. I wanted to sit in bed. I didn't want to think. I just wanted to sleep.
I didn't want anyone to say sorry. I didn't want anyone to ask how I was. I didn't want anyone to ask about Burt in case they didn't know. Even now, with things like Facebook, sometimes people ask how she is and what shes up to. I still am not very good with that.
All this happened June 6th 2008. She was 25. Brodie was 2.
I remember I cried. EVERY.DAY. Then I remember I just cried in the shower. That was my time. I used to always wear bright make up. I stopped because, silly as it sounds, make up reminded me of her so I couldn't apply it for sobbing. (we were big on good make up. our make up bags were and mine still is...something to be proud of and probably the most valuable commodity I own!) Even now silly things shoot my straight back to old memories.
ANYWAY... enough on that... The reason we are fund raising for CRY is in memory of Burt and to raise awareness of the charity which does so many good things.
Please check out the website http://www.c-r-y.org.uk/
Through fund raising for CRY you don't realise how close to home all this stuff is. A friend of mine lost her sister. And a boy I went to school with got in touch as he had lost his sister too.
You cant put a label on grief or relationships but I can only imagine how they felt losing their siblings.
At one of the last events I held, a Cupcake & Cocktail evening, a couple came along wearing CRY t-shirts. It was very sweet and moving. They wanted to talk to me about their son who they had lost. It was honestly heartbreaking.
So, yeah, CRY provides support for these families and research into the causes of these sudden deaths and all our help counts. No matter how big or how small.
A great blog to read is http://www.23b423.blogspot.com/ Grace lost her brother in 2006 when he was 23 and she is trying to do 23 things before she reaches 23 and is blogging about it.
Its a very sweet and motivational read. I can see what shes saying when she says she doesn't want people to see her cry. And I can see what shes saying when she says that sometimes people don't want to ask for a cuddle or something like that but sometimes that's just what you need.
I guess the reason I am doing all this fund raising is because I don't want to forget her. And forgetting her is what scares me the most. I have got to that point where sometimes I daren't mention her because I feel like people will think.... its been nearly 4 years... get over it! That sounds bad doesn't it. And that's the paranoia in me... but that's how I feel. I feel like people will forget to care. And I don't want that to happen.
Anyway. The blog is gonna carry on upwards and in a more cheery fashion from now on!
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Much love and big cows eyes.
Char xxx
of Kam & Char - The CRY Crusaders! 
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